Praying

Reading Barbara Brown Taylor’s essay on prayer in An Altar in the World, I found a friend. She confessed right off the bat that she is a failure at prayer, stumbling over herself, lacking in discipline, and finding the whole ordeal more painful than enlightening, yet she keeps at it. What she finds freeing is the ancient understanding that prayer is a lot more than saying prayers. I share that—my morning run is often the most spiritual experience I have on any given day. Yet, like Ms. Taylor, I stick with it, bumbling my way through what I hope to be a sincere prayer life. 

For the last few days, my practice has been to do a rosary of sorts—

John 3:16

Gloria

Doxology (3)

Gloria

Apostles Creed

Penitent’s Prayer (10)

Lord’s Prayer

Penitent’s Prayer (10)

Lord’s Prayer

Penitent’s Prayer (10)

Lord’s Prayer

Penitent’s Prayer (10)

Lord’s Prayer

Penitent’s Prayer (10)

Apostles Creed

Doxology

Gloria (3)

Doxology

John 3:16

By repeating scripted prayers, I find my mind free to focus on what I am doing and opening my heart to feel what I am doing. 

Notice I said free to focus—focus is the great hurdle for me in prayer. My mind wanders. My attention drifts. The Buddhist monkey mind, leaping from thought to thought, drives me to abandon the whole project. But by thinking through the words prayed, I imagine them scrolling like the words on this page as I type. All else falls quiet. I can see what I am praying. I don’t stray. 

What frustrates me most about our conception of prayer is that it seems far too often to be nothing more than an ecclesial grocery list—Dear God, I want… There is no room to listen. There is no place to for instruction, insight, or inspiration. Ironically, using the above rosary actually puts me in a place where I can listen instead of speaking. The words are taken care of, so now I can really interact with God. I can sense the whispered Voice hinting at what will be or slipping in the path to awakening. The big thing is that the fixed prayers of this rosary shift the focus from the almighty ME dominating everything in our culture. This practice is not about me. This is an engagement with the Other. Humbly, I let go of my imagination, my creativity, my subjectivity, and my laundry list of wants. The words are not mine. The thoughts are not mine. The results are not mine. In faith, I wait for these words to manifest whatever it is God intends. 

It also effectively and succinctly ends the loss for words. Beside the form, the other hurdle to prayer is our assumed inability to pray. If I want to silence a church meeting, all I need do is ask someone to pray! By using this rosary, the words are already there, and because they are ancient, well-used pieces of spiritual wisdom, they supply whatever need there is to pray effectively, hopefully, and faithfully.

Will I be able to maintain this practice? Time will tell. I am sure there will be more moments when the only prayers I can mumble are those required by work in pastoring. But I can hope…maybe this time, I can keep at it and stay focused.

Maybe.